Monday, October 1, 2012

I Don't Feel Home..yet

friday did not start out so well.
griff and i planned on 
doing our weekly big shopping at casino.
he likes to ride his trike there and he 
rides it around the store while i shop.
just as we were crossing the street...

...his bike fell apart.
here i am,
in the middle of the street,
dealing with a crying 3 year old
and trying to pick up the pieces of the broken bike.
not one person helped me.
but they sure did stare at me.
thinking in their french heads..
"stupid american".
so, we struggle home.
me..dropping bike pieces and covered in grease
griff...crying hysterically.
and when we got home..
i didn't feel home.
and i realized that i haven't really 
felt "home" here yet.
maybe it's living in a new country..
in an apartment with things that are not 
my own.
maybe it's being surrounded by so many
who don't speak my language.
but, after having a good cry myself,
and a cup of tea..
griff and i went shopping. :)

we found a cute shop in my neighborhood.
i bought some little lamps for my mantle
and a little pot for a plant.

i picked up some ivy plants here at
this pretty flower shop.
and i felt better.

i love paris.
but i don't quite feel home yet.
i know that'll change.

i just signed up for this online workshop
i'm pretty excited about it!


  1. Pam,

    What a mess! I'm sure you were flustered beyond all getout, which wouldn't have made you feel better. ;-) Glad that you were able to make it back and hope that Griffy's bike is fixable. Looks like it was nothing a lollypop couldn't fix. A bientot. (My french spelling is probably not very good anymore- lol)

  2. I think this course is just what you need right now Pam.
    Sorry you had a bad day!

  3. Hi Pam. What an honest post. I can only imagine how difficult it must being living in a foreign country surrounded by strangers all the time. I'm sure it's exciting and fun, and that there is always a new adventure around each corner, but sometimes it's nice to have a familiar face or friend to lean on. I can't believe how rude the French are sometimes. Why doesn't someone just lend a hand? Why do some people think its above them to help out a fellow human? I mean we're all humans and all in this world together. No one is above one another. I know if that had happened here, you would have had 50 strangers stop to lend you a hand or to help put the bike together. I know you know all of this, but I find it discomforting that people can be so harsh sometimes and also that people will just walk by someone who is having a tough time and just "stare" at them. I think home is not about all the things we have or the space itself, its about family, friends and connections. You have your family there, and that is the biggest and best part. In time, the friends will come, and then it will start feeling more like home each day. Hang in there and know that in the mean time you have us "virtual" friends to lean on and vent to. Anyway, I know you're probably feeling better as I type this, because that's how life goes, you vent it out, get over it and move on to a better day.


  4. Pam,

    My heart goes out to you. Having lived abroad..I can truly say "been there done that". Your feelings of home sickness will come in waves. But, you did exactly the right thing. Get back out there! One day, you will look back at all of this with rose colored glasses. I actually use to take my daughter to McDonald's in The Netherlands..just needed something familiar...and I wasn't a frequent visitor there back home!Stay busy and celebrate the differences...which it seems you do know how to do..As Jacquelyn says ...we will be your "virtual" friends....Janey

  5. Oh Pam, my heart broke as I read your post. I'm sorry for your hard morning, for the bike, for lugging it home in pieces, for the crying, and for the grease all over. I am impressed that you pulled it together and went shopping! It will feel like home one day soon. Your family is there and so it is home. I'm sure it's not easy not having your comfortable things around you, but look at what you're teaching your children... a lesson that staying in the same comfortable place can not teach. You will ALL gain so much from your adventures in Paris. And I bet the lamps on your mantle look perfect. Light makes all things look cozy. Hang in there! ~tara

  6. Sorry to hear you had a rough start to your day. Not being able to come "home" only makes it that much worse. We have moved many times compliments of the Navy, but never overseas, so I understand the feelings of being misplaced. It will come with time. Your new class sounds like SO much fun! I hope you'll share some tips and tricks that you pick up while creating your new families home :)

    Here's to a better day today!