Thursday, January 6, 2011
4 Is Our Number
I'll never have one of those again. As I write these words and say it out loud it still can't be true. But, Steve and I have talked and talked and talked and I cry and we talk some more...but we realize that we are done having children. Is it possible to grieve over the end of your fertility? Cuz I am. Big time. I'll never shout out my two favorite words of all time..." I'M PREGNANT!" I was never one of those mothers who waited the required 3 months to share the happy news. Oh no. That test was still hot and I was screaming it out the window. I loved telling people I was pregnant. And speaking of pregnancy tests...I could probably re-do my kitchen with what I spent on those things..but aren't they the best? Seeing those two little lines? I'm crying right now just thinking how I'll never see them again.
I'll never carry another child. Oh how I loved my belly! Feeling those little feet kick inside me. Never again.
I'll never give birth again. And I had easy delivery's. No drugs with any of them they all just came spitting right out.
I'll never hold a newborn again. And swaddle them up so tight. And be so protective of that little bundle..."sorry, you can't hold him right now"
I have to move on. The though of another baby consumes my thoughts and I have to let it go.
I know I'm being all dramatic and all..but that's me. Drama is my middle name.
No more. And I'm so sad. Believe me, I am thankful every day for my 4 beautiful, healthy children..but 4 is our number.