It's been almost an entire year since this photo was taken. A year that has changed my life. Changed me. I told myself a year ago that I would savor every bit of this tiny baby...and I have. I look back at this picture and think how I'd love to do it all over. Oh to have a newborn again.
On my walk today I was thinking about new mom's. New, young moms...and what I would tell them about motherhood. Sure..I'd have a few books and now-a-days..even blogs to share with them. I may even share my own experiences. But I think every mom needs to find their own way in Motherhood. To learn to trust their own instincts. I believe there is no right way...we all Mother differently..and that's ok.
A few weeks ago while waiting for my own Mother to come out of surgery...I ended up in a discussion in the hospital waiting area with a complete stranger. Our conversation began innocently enough with talk about babies..(of course Griffy was on my lap). The topic somehow turned to working mothers vs. stay at home moms. There I was...standing my ground...saying that all mothers should stay at home with their babies. (I do still believe that). Anyway...we parted ways and my drive home that evening was filled with thoughts of our conversation.
Since then I've been haunted by this talk I had with this stranger. I've thought to myself...would the world be a better place if every mother stayed home with their babies? Would all the babies out there be healthier if they were all breastfed? Would all babies feel more attached to their parents if they slept in the same bed with them? These are my beliefs, but they may not be yours.
I think if a new mom asked me for advice I'd tell her to do what comes natural. Do what feels right to you. And don't worry about what other people think.
*Some mothers are kissing mothers and some are scolding mothers, but it is love just the same, and most mothers kiss and scold together. ~ Pearl S. Buck
It's a hard one. I've always been uncomfortable about stating what is right for others. I was a less structured mom, no crying it out for my babies, although I tried with my eldest several time,s due to pressure from others, and it was terrible each and every time. So I stopped trying to follow others and followed my own heart. I think you are only able to mother in a way that feels true to you. It will be due largely to how you were mothered and your own temperament. I think the only advice that would be helpful to any mom, is to step away when you are reacting to your child in anger. Anger is not a part of discipline and when it is you need to give yourself a time out. That is probably the only thing I know for sure that should be a universal truth for all parents.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful post, Pam. Love, love, LOVE the picture. Family portraits in the hospital are some of my favorites.
ReplyDeleteI'm afraid that I'm as passionate as you are about moms staying home with their kids. Without direction at home, kids find things to keep them busy that they wouldn't find if moms were around.
We went to the summer movie today--me and the four littles. Summer movies are one of our favorite activities in blistering AZ. We sat in front of a daycare--10-15 kids, two daycare providers. And those kids weren't very old--maybe 10--but they were mouthy, rude, crude, and just ornery. It almost ruined the morning for us. And I sat there thinking, "This experience for them would be so different if they were there sharing a popcorn with their siblings and their mom, instead of fighting for the attention of two women who watch them for a paycheck." Not that my kids were perfect--we almost lost Hyrum in the stampede to leave--but I LOVE them, unlike any babysitter.
That's just my two cents. Take it for what it's worth.
Pam, you did NOT just have your baby when that picture was taken, right? I mean...you look like a million bucks!
ReplyDeleteThe plan was for me to go back to work when my son was 6weeks old (thinking about this makes me cry) we thought we wouldn't be able to afford for me to stay home. Well, I never stepped foot back into that old job and I am still home after 7 years. We make do and I can't imagaine it any other way. What a blessing for us and for our children that we are home with them.
You are so right Pam! Follow your own heart and throw out the books! You have to do what works for you and your family.
ReplyDeleteIsn't it amazing how we open up to strangers in a hospital waiting room? Been there a lot lately and I think we are all very needy while waiting for word about our loved ones. Hope your mother is doing well. I agree, throw out the books...use your parental instincts. You and I mothered very differently but both with love and what was right in our gut. xoxo
ReplyDeleteYou nailed it here!
ReplyDeleteWe all mother in our own way...maybe different, but it is the motivation that makes us all similar.
Have a great night!
Girl....again, you've nailed it. It's all about our hearts, right? xoxo
ReplyDeleteI am so happy that I found your blog, and I couldn't agree with you more on just about everything you write. I look forward to continuing my blog journey with you. :o)
ReplyDeleteWarmly from Kansas~
Amber
I love Pearl S. Buck! Yes we all mother differently! I learned this a long while ago when my sis had kids & I didn't. We mother differently but her kids are turning out awesome, so I remind myself that there are many successful ways to mother. What an adorable photo!
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