The Change

i'm going through the change.

just throwing it out there.

i turned 45 this year.

so i guess it makes sense.

i've been experiencing

night sweats

unexplained weight gain

mood swings.

the weight gain

thing has baffled me 

for months.

we moved to paris

almost a year ago

and since then i've gained

ten pounds.

i attributed it to 

the baguettes

and the cheese

and the nightly two glasses

of  delicious french wine.

so in january i started

dieting and exercising daily.

nothing happened.

i didn't lose one pound.

i went off carbs and sweets.

nothing.

now, 

i've always been thin.

and this was ticking me off.

so when i started waking

up in the middle of the night

drenched..

i started to do some research.

i'll see my doctor next

month when we go home

but i'm pretty sure this is it.

i will also say..

that i'm good in the no more

baby department.

i never thought i'd say that.

i look at babies now and think..

i'm ok with never having 

any more babies.

that's gotta be a symptom of 

pre-menopause right?

steve and i took the boys

to a playground yesterday

and i was looking at all the pregnant

moms and little babies...

i'm good.

i'm actually kind of 

ready for this next phase of my life.

believe me,

being a mom is still

my job and my love

but i'm starting to realize

that soon...

i'll have a whole lotta time

on my hands.

and i'm kind of excited about 

thinking about what i want

to do with that time.